Book Review:

A book so good you'll have trouble respecting yourself after you read it.

1-800-CALL-GOD
By Brad Heath

Brad "Grim Reaper" Heath is an author who first came to our attention at the 2005 San Diego Comic-Con when, while promoting his sublime, self-published collection of essays entitled Superheroes: Where's The Bulge?, he engaged in a brief physical confrontation with John Byrne over the latter's controversial revamping of Superman's origin in the oft-debated 1986 limited series Man of Steel. It was clear at that time, before he was forcibly removed from the convention premises, that this was a writer to watch, a fact Mr. Byrne discovered all too quickly that day when he failed to spot an oncoming right hook.

You can understand, then, that it was with partially untainted joy that we accepted delivery of his latest tome, a novel of fiction courageously entitled
1-800-CALL GOD, and set about reading it like starved badgers hungry for a fresh, still wriggling kill.

Suffice to say we were not disappointed in the least, except perhaps for the glaring exclusion of a Celebrity Nudes Appendix and maybe a nice Mad Libs section. It is, without question, the sort of novel that takes your breath away in a savage, punch to the gut fashion with a brilliant combination of plot, characterization and raw, shining imagination. It's the kind of book, with all due respect to those concerned, that makes celebrated neo-victorian literary savant Callum DeMoregravy's pulitzer prize winning opus, Some More Junk For Ya Trunk seem like a half-page pamphlet on proper cuticle care.

For example, the character of Phillip Jerkins, on the surface a seemingly classic Everyman and, while Heath is the calibre of writer who could easily infuse such a common literary archetype with enough of his own refreshing brand of subtlety and nuance to provide a level of insight that would undoubtedly be wholly enriching in the grandest human sense, he is not satisfied by such a task, so easily attainable by one of his admirable skill set. Instead he gives to his audience a character, nay a living, breathing being who blazes forth from the page with a trancendental level of spiritual and emotional profundity that will move even the most jaded, bitter, unhappy, self-centered, pompous, untalented, full-of-crap, scumbag, supposed international journalistic icon who-shall-remain-unnamed to hopefully reassess his entire pointless, wallowing, miserable existence and somehow attempt to become a better person and, God help us all, a better employer to his faithful, long suffering, overworked, underpaid, emotionally tortured employees.

Of course, Jerkins' character is merely the tip of the wonderous textual iceberg that Heath has set afloat to surprise and delight his readers. During the perusal of this work, one is likely to find oneself erupting with laughter even as one wipes away exquisite tears of joy or sadness. Take, for instance, the following passage:

"If you see one of us who has... fallen,” Polcak
paused, apparently choked up. “Please take a
bite of him, so he will not die in vain."

The reader does not need to be clubbed over the head with the inherent analogous implications of such sublime words to feel their incredible impact. Such is Heath's undeniable, innate talent that he is able to artfully communicate such important, basic elements of the human condition to us in a way that is not only completely entertaining but makes you feel ever so slightly dirty in the way only the lingerie section of the Sears Catalog ever truly could. This, folks, is a genuine master at work.

The most exciting aspect of the work, however, lies in the gleaming potential that it exposes in it's author. Obviously, Brad Heath is a writer just starting to strive forward to some future, unimaginable peak that we all can look forward to. 1-800-CALL GOD is an astounding work of undeniable import but one is left wondering with eager anticipation what other offerings this visionary is preparing to foist upon the public, however undeserving most of the grubby, illiterate mouth breathers may be.

Thankfully, there are those of us born to be able to appreciate a work of this magnitude and for that, we remain grateful. As a public service to all of you so inclined, we encourage you to purchase this book and read it. Lord knows, you won't regret it.

Buy It Here:

1-800-CALL GOD

You'll be damn glad you did.