Nugent Cookbook Rocks!
Nugent Cookbook Rocks!
Ted Nugent, once know as the wildman rocker of the american heavy metal scene has, with help from his wife Shemane, released a new cookbook entitled, appropriately Kill It and Grill It and the face of culinary literature will surely never be the same. From page one "Nuge", as he's often called, attacks the english language in the only way he seemingly knows how, as if it was a small, defenseless woodland animal ripe for the gruesomely brutal, bloody death that Nugent can barely wait to provide. This is not so much a book as it is a powerful indoctrination of an american life, fiercely independent, wildly free and grotesquely violent to an almost cartoonish extreme. However, do not fear. If Ted has any notion that he has become an absurd caricature of himself, he does not allow it to invade or disrupt either his art or his ceaseless onslaught upon the little furry creatures living peacefully in the world's forests.
The recipes themselves are almost secondary to the subtle messages contained in the subtext of the writing. Nugent infuses the work with a sublime passion for killing and cooking small game animals that is almost effervescent in the way it simply shines forth from each page, each word. Chapters such as "Slaughtering Your Monkey" or "Boiling Squirrels Alive" are not merely instructional passages but inspirational guidelines for the human heart itself. As the following exerpt shows, Nugent is a master of both nuance and style, of the language of the human soul itself.
"Now, you gotta hold that fucker down man, 'cause he's wiry and stronger than you think and, don't forget, he's scared, so he's gonna thrash about like a motherfucker and probably wail like a fuckin' stuck pig (see Chapter 7). You pay no mind and you whack him in the fuckin' skull maybe eight or ten times, man, 'til he quits movin', then whip the little fucker offa the wall once or twice for good measure. Alright, now its time for skinnin' "
Such words, such style. Ted reveals much of himself in Kill It and Grill It, much of what has made him successful as both a rock and roll megastar and a relentless murderer of tiny helpless mammals, birds and fish. He takes us back to the nostalgia of his childhood in a melancholy tale called "Learning To Kill", where he reveals that his first kill was, in fact, his pet hamster Rudolph when he was only four years old, which he promptly roasted on a habachi and ate between two sesame seed buns. It is insight both profound and inspiring, informative and educational.
Ted's wife Shemane is oddly credited as co-author of the book, a curious thing when one considers that her contributions to the work are obviously insignificant. Nugent himself admits that "Women just can't fucking handle a gun, man." and one is forced to surmise that much of what she added to the book came in the form of proofreading and emotional support and that the credit given her in the title is mere charity. Like any good woman, however, she backs her man and does as she's told.
The reader should be advised that this review has barely scratched the surface of a book with such depth it will surely be studied by scholars and students for years to come. Chapters such as "Do's and Don'ts of Hunting In Zoos", "How To Cook Game Disintigrated by Hand Grenades" or "Roadkill: Why Waste It" are literary roadsigns for both academia and white trash alike, signposts to guide and illuminate our minds and hearts, to stimulate and enlighten us all.
As a footnote, it should also be noted that fellow firearms activist Charlton Heston contributes a stirring introduction to the book, an eloquent endorsement of the lifestyle Nugent expounds upon in the body of the work. In Heston's own words:
"Yes, its true, I have a small penis. Actually, its downright tiny, but owning large guns is not necessarily a substitute for that. The myth that possessing huge, phallic shaped weapons of destruction that fire forth in thrusting, explosive discharges and make you feel powerful over other beings is a psychological make up for a pathetic lifetime of inadequacy and impotence is just that - a myth."
Charlton's own forthcoming book Why ICBM's Are Cool is scheduled for a November release.
All contents copyright 2004 Ken Socrates