Jimmy Olsen: by Joe Hawaii and Gaylord "Ra" Fondue
METROPOLIS, NEW YORKISH (MAYBE KANSAS)- You may know him as cub reporter, kid photo-journalist, or annoying red-headed sidekick, but lately James Bartholomew "Jimmy" Olsen is anything but Superman's pal. With the so-so reviews and mixed box office receipts of Bryan Singer's Superman Returns movie admist the otherwise money-grabbing hits with other comic book films such as Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight, Jon Favreau's Iron Man, Louis Leterrier's The Incredible Hulk, and Frederik Du Chau's Underdog, Jimmy Olsen feels he could breath a new dimension into the DC franchise.
"The angle that Singer approached this project from was all wrong," says Olsen. "The metaphor for contemporary life was off-base. There was no real everyman to connect to. People lost touch to the humanity of the film. Superman became separated from the emotional contact of the viewing audience. I feel that the best way to bridge that chasm would be a stronger role for my character. Perhaps even more so than Superman himself. That is the what the viewing audience needs. The humanity that James Olsen can bring to the story. The range of emotion of being the connection of this alien visitor to a home that he does not belong to. The emotional relationship and the sacrifice of being this alien's surrogate into civilization... THAT is the true story of Superman. A story of the commitment of one man to bring about change and acceptance at any cost for his friend who was never meant to even be on this planet."
When asked what role that Lois Lane played in the saga of the life of the Last Son of Krypton, Olsen simply replied, "T&A."
Olsen has big plans that he has approached various studios with. "I feel like I need complete creative control over this project. And some of these studios don't seem to agree with that. But I've got stories to tell. A long history to draw from. A veritable cornucopia of stories and adventures to choose from. Seriously, the list is endless."
"The best part about being involved in this project for me," continued Olsen, "is making the storyboards. Since I'm already a fantastic photographer, I just pose and snap. No drawing. Just me, a mirror, and a camera. I have a broom with a cape when I need extra props."
We interviewed one studio exec (who wishes to remain anonymous) that Olsen approached. "Well, I was a bit skeptical... and then he brought out the storyboards. And that made me even more skeptical. Most of them seemed to be a scrawny kid with a big white flash for a head."
But there is hope for the future of this production. Skinflint Productions studio executive, Harry "Big Hammer" Dickerson, recently obtained a copy of the script and issued the following statement: "My brother who works for one of them big studios asked me to look this script over. I wasn't real interested. Most of the stuff he sends my way is all that arty french-like crap. But the scene with Lois blowing Jimmy... well, that's pure gold. We're even thinking of putting in a side-plot... Peeping Tom Superman. That even plays up the script's insinuation that Superman has homosexual feelings towards Jimmy. Yeah, I can work with this. A couple of lesbians and we've got a hit on our hands. Not so sure about Luthor, though. Bald guys don't do so well in our industry. Of course, if we can talk Ron Jeremy into shaving, we may reconsider."
"Originally, I was a bit upset that they wanted to change the script," says Olsen. "But I feel the threesome actually adds a whole new meaning to the giant spider sequence... Wait, what? They're cutting the spider sequence? Oh. Well. Lois still blows me."
The reactions to the script have been varied among key players.
A Minty Pineapple Production?
© Joe Hawaii & Gaylord "Ra" Fondue 2008. All rights reserved.
Not Just Superman's Pal
